


Heroes need carbs

by panickyintheuk



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bagels, F/M, M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panickyintheuk/pseuds/panickyintheuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Tony fight over a bagel. And other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heroes need carbs

**Author's Note:**

> Remember that global Avengers twitter chat thing? Well, this happened. Blame Joss and his trolling. Also, I don't know where the Clint/Natasha came from, but I'm glad they're happy.
> 
> Also, the third part is based on that video of the panda stealing the other panda's snack? So if you are having trouble picturing it, that's what I was going for! Thank you and goodnight.

"Hey," said Tony, "who ate the last sesame bagel?"   
  
"Oh," said the Captain sheepishly, "that was me. I didn't know it was for you."   
  
"God damn it, Cap!" said Tony. "Of all the bagels you could have eaten, you had to take my favorite kind?"   
  
"Well, it's my favorite too!" - Cap was starting to get riled up now - "What's the matter, didn't they teach you to share in kindergarten?"   
  
"I flunked out of kindergarten," said Tony. "No offense, but I don't play well with others."   
  
"Oh yeah? You're so above the rest of us? Big man in a suit of armor, take that away, what are you?"   
  
"Uh, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist," said Tony, and Thor chuckled. Clint waved a hand in their direction.   
  
"I'm not that hungry," he said, "you can have my cinnamon-raisin one if you want."   
  
"Ooh, yeah!" said Tony, and took it gleefully.   
  
After the briefing, Cap sidled up to Tony and slung an arm around his shoulder. "Hey, sorry about earlier," he said.   
  
"Yeah, me too," said Tony. "I have a bad temper when I'm hungry." Bruce laughed to himself about something.   
  
***   
  
"Tony," said Steve, "did you eat the last of the bread?"   
  
"No," said Tony, "it was the end-pieces. I threw them away."   
  
"Are you... are you kidding me? You threw away perfectly good bread?"   
  
"If you think the end-pieces are perfectly good then you need to raise your bread standards," said Tony.   
  
"But why would you throw them away when somebody else might have wanted them? Do you have any idea how wasteful that is? It's offensive to me!"   
  
"I will not have end-pieces in this house!" said Tony imperiously. Steve threw his hands up in despair. "But I did pick up some tiger-bread at that bakery you like," he added.   
  
"Oh," said Steve. "Well. Thanks."   
  
"No problem, buddy," said Tony, and Steve smiled at him.   
  
***   
  
Steve was perched on the couch with Darcy, finishing off the Danish selection she'd brought over and watching 30 Rock, when Tony sat down heavily on his other side.   
  
"That apricot?" said Tony.   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Looks good," he said, and was silent for several seconds. Then he made a grab for it. Without taking his eyes off the screen, Steve held it out of Tony’s reach, until he realised he was blocking Darcy’s view and moved it above his head. Tony clambered onto his knees, lunged, and managed to rip the pastry in half. He tried to run, but Steve hooked an arm around his waist, so Tony shoved the mangled trophy into his mouth before Steve could get it back.   
  
“Thanksh for sharing,” he said, “it’sh delicioush.” Steve gave him a look so deadpan it came with a disclaimer to the effect that no pans had actually been harmed. Tony glanced at Steve’s left fist, which still held a squashed half-Danish. “Are you gonna finish that?”   
  
***   
  
“STEVE!” Tony bellowed. A few seconds later, Steve hared into the kitchen, looking panicked.   
  
“Tony, Jesus, I thought you were dying or something.”   
  
“No,” scowled Tony. “I’m trying to cut down on the near-death experiences.”   
  
“Glad to hear it. So what’s up?”   
  
“What,” said Tony, “is this?”   
  
“Uh... juice?”   
  
“No,” said Tony, “it isn’t. It’s an  _empty carton_ , which  _somebody_ put back in the fridge instead of in the trash. For the third time this month!”   
  
“Because I still don’t know whether you can recycle Tetra Pak, which you keep saying you’ll find out for me and you never do! And anyway, since when do you drink anything except coffee, booze or weird seaweed stuff?”   
  
“Since I started showing early symptoms of scurvy. When my teeth fall out I’m blaming you, I hope you know that.”   
  
“That seems fair. I’m sorry, Tony. However can I make it up to you? Hmm.” He assumed a faux-thoughtful expression and then crowded Tony up against the fridge and kissed him.   
  
“You taste orangey,” said Tony.   
  
“There you go. Problem solved.”   
  
“Could you guys do that somewhere else?” said Clint grumpily from behind them. “I swear to God I’m the only person in this house who isn’t getting any.”   
  
“Nuh-uh,” said Steve. “I heard Natasha broke up with -”   
  
“You know what? I’m going to leave you two to your slumber party,” said Tony, and tried to leave, but Steve grabbed his wrist and pulled him back for another kiss.   
  
“I hate my life,” said Clint.   
  
***   
  
“Tony,” said Steve steadily, “did you  _eat_ the cake?” It was a tone of voice one might more readily associate with the question “did you  _kill_ those women?”   
  
“What? Cake?” said Tony, looking up warily from his tablet. “I might have done. You like it when I eat. Oh no, sad face, don’t have a sad face. I’ll get you another cake! A better cake!”   
  
“It has to be the  _same_ cake,” said Steve. “We’re supposed to eat it on our  _anniversary_ .  It’s  _tradition_ . ”   
  
Tony thought for a second. “I’ll throw you another wedding. A better wedding,” he tried.   
  
Steve sat down opposite him and sighed. “You’re damn lucky I find your total obliviousness to the world around you endearing.”   
  
“Yeah? Well you’re lucky I find your total perfection endearing. Who else would have you? Let’s be honest here.”   
  
“Fair point,” said Steve, and held his arms out. Tony blinked at him.   
  
“Yeah, all right,” said Tony, putting his tablet down reluctantly and coming over to sit in Steve’s lap. “This is very emasculating, you know,” he muttered.   
  
Steve squeezed him. “Shut it,” he said, “or I really will emasculate you in a minute.”   
  
“He’d do it, too,” said Natasha from the doorway. “I’ve been giving him lessons.”   
  
Clint appeared behind her and put his arms around her waist. “You guys,” he said. “Adorable.”


End file.
